In modern times, people often report encountering a particular number repeated one or more times. These people have reported encountering these numbers far more frequently than mere coincidence could explain. Be it on a clock, a menu price at a restauraunt, a passing license plate, or a price on a stock ticker, these numbers seem to be ever present in these individuals' lives. But one number stands out from the rest, both in its storied history and in its unsettling implications: the number one.
To truly comprehend the morbid significance of the number one, we must go far, far back in time to ancient Mesopotamia, where King Kukapuku ruled the land with an iron fist. His cruel reign lasted for decades, but to his people it must have seemed like milennia. Anyone who dared speak out against the king would incur his vengeful wrath. Until one day, the king began to see the number one appear around him. At first it began slowly, manifesting itself in the form of a passing cloud or in a pattern on an oxen's chest. Soon, the frequency increased exponentially. As the frequency grew greater, the king's health so deteriorated. Eventually the king became bedridden and could say but a single word: one. He was halucinating so severely that ordinary shapes such as his chamber pot or numerous concubines began contorting themselves into the number one as well. Death followed quickly.
After the king's death, the people rejoiced. They were free. But one man wasn't quite so content. The king's leading advisor, Mukapuku, was the preeminent scholar of his time. Mukakupu was determined to get to the bottom of the king's mysterious descent into madness and performed a rudimentary autopsy. He quickly realized the culprit: AIDS. Now you may be thinking: How is this possible? Wasn't AIDS discovered in the 1980's? That's what they want you to believe. Mukapuku discovered AIDS in the 7th century B.C., but the greedy pharmaceutical companies covered it up. And Mukapuku's stunning revelation that frequently seeing the number one means you have AIDS was a lesson lost to time.
If you are reading this and frequently see the number one repeated one or more times, it probably means you have AIDS. Please get yourself tested.